The Ballid Of Joshua Bread
by Dan Amsterdam
Summary: Joshua Bread tells a story about how he met the Left 4 Dead crew.
1. I Like Left 4 Dead

THE BALLID OF JOSHUA BREAD

Hello my name is Johnua Bread I am 8 years old and somethimes people call me Josh. I really like this computer game called Left 4 Dead becuase it is a lot of fun and I am a good guy fighting all the evil guys. I play this game onmy brothers computer when he is not looking. Left 4 Dead is about these four people who get an infection which means they get sick and two weeks later they become superheros but don't have matching costume. A lot of bad guys called Zombies are making crime in the city and it is up to them to shoot them.

First there is a big biker named Francis who is very grumpy and hates everything but he shoots the Zombies. He never drives his bike around maybe because Zombies eat bicycles. Deep down he is really nice and helps his beat up friends stand again because that is what superheros do.

And there is an old man named Bill who was in a war and knowshow to shoot the Zombies. He is the only good guy who wears a hat and it is green. He was in a war in Vietnam which is next to Australia so maybe he took a sailboat there because he likes sailboats.

Then there is a bald guy named Louis who works in a office and shoots the Zombies. He does not think it is cool when his friends shoot him. People says he likes pills a lot and that makes sense because he is infected.

And then there is Zoey who is a girl who shoots the Zombies. She has no clothes on in the game but she has clothes on the loading posters. She is as half as big as Francis and she cannot pick him up. One time the evil Zombies tried to kidnap Left 4 Dead buy Zoey stopped them but francis was not happy.

There are a lot of Zombie in the game there are fat ones, crying ones and really big ones. The leader of the Zombies is not in the game which is stupid but maybe the other superheros who write things on walls arrested him and put him in jail. If he breaks out we should catch him.

Cory Portula is not a game and I don't like him beacuse he is stupid and ugly.


	2. Cory Portula Is Stupid And Ugly

DISCLAMER: None of the characters, settings, incidents or items in this story are owned by that of this author.

Cory Portula is really annoying he always does everything better than me because he cheats and he is the teachers pet. I always do everything better then him but he gets everyone to think he does everything better and I dont like him because he is stupid and ugly.

One time in art class I should of got an A+ for making a pooping butt out of clay but the teacher took me to the princeipul office because I go and sleep in the bathroom when they send me alone. Stupid Cory got a bigger grade for drawing something called a Rembrent painting which had pilgrims in it but thats not real because he made it up because he is stupid and ugly.

Another time I wrote a great story called Attack Of The Giant Retard which was like my brothers 5th grade story called The Adventures Of Stone Cold Steve Autism but mine was even better but I got in trouble for it because the teachers hate me but love Cory beause he is stupid and ugly and as usual they said Corys story was a lot better.

Cory is also a tattletale. One time I was a goalie in soccer and I poked the soccer ball with a nail before the game bacause it would lose air and no one could kick it in the goal and we would win even though all my teammates are so annoying. Cory saw me do it and told on me and I got suspended. And I wont even talk about that time in history class he took away the A+ I should have got for my Hitler Was Framed report.

If Left 4 Dead was here they would all kung-fu kick Cory because this guy on the internet said They Dont Let You Kill Children In Video Games so Left 4 Dead would have to kung-fu kick him instead. And this now a story of what would happen if Cory met Left 4 Dead.  
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	3. The Safegarage

So one day I made a safehouse for Left 4 Dead so that Left 4 Dead would come stop Cory Portula from controlling the school. I waited for a million years and then Boomer came in and I said Go Away Boomer I Do Not Want You To Help Me. Boomer would go so I exited the saferoom so that Left 4 Dead could fight him. Boomer fell down and went Boom because that is why his name is Boomer.

The next day my mom came home and was angry at the safehouse but I said Mom Its A Safehouse Where You Can Be Safe but Mom made me change the garage back and she threw away all the Molotofs that I made.

So I was cleaning off the Claude Higgins You Are A Cow Mooooooo message off the wall when Left 4 Dead came in. Bill said Safehouse and Francis said Jesis Christ Did Survivors Just Stop Trying Or What and Zoey said Eh Works For Me Lets Get Some Shut Eye and Louis said Hey Wait Theres A Child Here.

I said Oh Hi Guys This Is My Safehouse You Can Stay Here Tonight And Tommorrow I Will Get More Molotofs. I went to leave but Bill said No Stop There Are Still Some Infected Out There and I said Ill Be Fine I Know How To Fight The Zombies And There Is My House so Bill said Oh All Right But Be Very Careful and I said Okay. Francis said Wear Not Gonna Have To Have This Dumbas Tag Along With Us Are We? and Louis said Well Seeing As Hes Managed To Survive This Long He...

Then my brother came into the garage and Francis punched him and my brother ran out and said he was calling the cops. 


	4. Left 8 Dead

The next day Left 4 Dead was running from the police all night so they were not at school with me. I was angry. And then that stupid and ugly Cory Portula came up and said Hey Josh I Heard Those Guys From Left 4 Dead Showed Up In Your Garage Last Night and I said What Do You Know About Left 4 Dead? Cory said Well I've Only Played Left 4 Dead 2 But I'd Like To Try The Original Some Day and I said Left 4 Dead 1 Would Destroy You!

Then Cory said Not To Worry I Have These Guys To Help Me and then Left 4 Dead 2 came out of the bushes. You're Messing In Some Dangerous Business Right Now Kid said the black one who I think is called Couch. Let's Try To Make This Quick Guys You Know How Batshit Overprotective Those Parents Can Get said to one called Nick. We're Still Waiting For The First Team said Rochelle who is the girl one. Did Anyone Just Hear A Charger Right Now? said Alice.

But then Louis, Zoey and Bill showed up. I said Wheres Francis and Bill said We Got Seperated. The Three Of Up Regrouped In The Basement But Francis Could Be In Jail For All We Know. Good Thing Louis Still Carries Money Around So At Least We Can Bail Him Out Later and Louis said Aw Man...

And Then a big Zombie with a big arm and a alligator face showed up and Zoey said Charger! Charger said These Four Miscreants Before You Are My True Enemy And Thus I Would Be More Than Honored To Fight Alongside You My Name Is Thaddius. Bill said Oh...Well Alright But Try To Be Careful Around The Molotovs.

All 8 of them began fighting and Left 4 Dead kept hitting Left 4 Dead 2 With There Gun Butts and Left 4 Dead 2 hit Left 4 with frying pans and really skinny swords that shouldve broke easily. Left 4 Dead music then started playing over the school speakers and then ammo health packs and pills were appearing all over the playground. Mrs. Mainon who watches us during the recess before school came up to me and said Young Man This Is Very Unacceptable Behavoir and that's when the police came back and took Left 4 Dead and Left 4 Dead 2 away. 


	5. Mr Witchman

So everybody went to the police station and the polieman talked to me. You Have Done A Very Bad Thing Now The Two Dimesions Have Intretwined And Will Soon Assimilate Into One Single Dimesion said the police man. In Fact I Was Bitten By One Of Your Smkoers And Soon The Infection Will Overtake Me. Thre walked away and then about five million minutes later he was Witch.

He was Mr. Witchman because was all white and was sitting on the floor and crying. He was also going Woooloowoooloowoooloo like Witch does. He was really angry and came after after me. But he was so slow because he was so fat.

So I hided in the closet where he couldnt find me but he found me. So I hided in the bathroom where he couldnt find me but he found me. So I hided in outer space where he couldnt find me but he found me. And he ate a lot of people when I hided. So I ran out of the police station and ran into Francis. Francis Well Whatta We Have Here A Witch Guy and he blew up Mr. Witchman.

And thats all that happened in this chapter Im sorry maybe more stuff will happen next chapter.


	6. Boxland

So then we saved the three other 3 Left 4 Dead people and we went to fight the other Left 4 Dead guys. And that's when Left 4 Dead 2 guys jumped out of the bushes. And also all the Left 4 Dead bad guys showed up and they were angry like they always are. So Left 4 Dead was fighting Left 4 Dead 2 and the bad guys and Left 4 Dead 2 was fighting the bad guys and Left 4 Dead and the bad guys were fighting Left 4 Dead and Left 4 Dead 2. So I said Guys You Should Not Be Fighting Because Cory Portula Is Stupid And Ugly And You Should Be Fighting Him. And then Cory Portula showed up and said I Have Hacked Things So That I Control All 16 Charactors And Now I Will Destroy You With All Of Them and that's when they all turned on me. I had to fight them with my awesome karate skills that I learned one night and I beat them all within seconds. Then Cory said Fine Then I Will Destroy You With Something Else and then he brought out the No Mercy Hospital which he turned into an evil robot and so I decided to use a level I made for Survival Mode called Boxland because there are a lot of boxs in it and also it is safe because I cant get any bad guys to show up in the level. So Hospitalbot attacked with its giant chainsaws and Boxlandbot attacked with lots of boxs and then Hospitalbot exploded and Cory Portula yelled Noooooooooooo I Have Been Beaten By The Greatest Guy In The Universe and that was because I am the greatest guy ever exist.  
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	7. Some Time Later

29 years have passed since the events decipted in this journel.

By now you probably all know what happened after that day. The Infected invaded our reality, killing millions. Not everyone knew enough about Left 4 Dead to successfully counterattack these monsters, but soon they would realize thier patterns and became more adapt at holding them back. Society has rebuilt itself over the years, stronger and better prepared for any future onslaught, though they grow rarer day after day.

Meanwhile, I, now the man who is spoken of only in whispers, enshrouded in mystery, disputed over if I ever really existed, live in exile, an outcast who dwells only in shadows. My town comdemned me not long after I opened the barrier between these two worlds. Spearheading this outcry was of course Mayor Portula, angered over the death of his son, demanding that I never set foot in his town again.

I came back anyway. This town was the first to fall, and hard did it fall under the Infected attacks. It took years, but evantually I and a number of fallen begrudging comrades managed to wipe out every last Infected from the town.

This is my town now. Although it is safe of Infected, rumor has kept most of society from even approaching it, considering it now the Gateway to Hell. Still, it gets its share of derelicts, criminals and general misfits of society. So far population has yet to reach more than one digit.

To whoever should find this journel, see that its word will get out. With any hope answers shall be found in the account of this ill-fated day. As for myself, I've crossed over to the over side. Maybe I can close the gateway, otherwise I might stay here in this world you I have unwittingly been familiar with for years and years.

Just don't open that safe door any time soon.

-Joshua Bread 


	8. Rule Of 8

Francis and Louis made it into the safe room almost inches from death. They were as surprised as any to find a working computer within that safe room. On the computer desektop was a mysterious game application titled "JOSHUA BREAD".

Louis: Hey that kid we met years ago has his own game!  
>Franics: Ugh, I always hated that runt. Who the hell would make a game about that kid?<br>Louis: Most likely it was Joshua himself. Maybe he made it for the purpose of sharing a message. Well, let's hear him out.  
>Francis: Alright, but if this involves friggin' Boxland again I'm gonna light this puppy ablaze.<p>

After the five minutes the game needed to load up, a 2D-sidescroller appeared on screen. Louis found himself controlling Joshua Bread in a visually-dull hallway. Joshua could only be moved left or right across the flat endless hallway. After a few minutes a sign appeared reading "THIS IS THE STORY OF JOSHUA BREAD GO TELL EVERYONE". Assuming there would be more signs, Louis as Josh went down the hallway for two hours, seeing nothing remotely interesting. Then the game crashed.

Louis: What. The hell. Is this.  
>Francis: Here, lemme give it a try.<br>Louis: Fine, go ahead. See if you can get to the part where you get to walk down a gray hallway.

Louis trudged over to his sleeping bag but was suddenly yanked away by a Smoker from behind one the Safe Room door. A horde of Infected then burst through the other door. After a brief struggle, Louis and Francis were both taken down and the computer was destroyed in the scuffle.

THE END 


End file.
